So, do you remember a few months ago when I promised that I would
try to write a blog a week?
Yeah,
that didn't happen. And it probably still won't. And I didn't make it one of my
new year's resolutions, because everyone knows that no one keeps their new
year's resolutions, anyway. Instead, I'm just going to keep on going with
writing when I have time/a topic comes to mind.
Do you
remember about 5 weeks ago, when I was home for Thanksgiving and wrote this blog about my
time there? And how I promised a second half and told you all to "look for another installment and the point of the
blog sometime soon."? Yeah, well, there are two problems. The first is
that I don't remember a lot of what happened when I was home after that, and
the second is that I don't remember what I actually had in mind for the point of
the blog. My bad.
I did, however, make a list of serious topics that came from that
trip home, so you'll see those in the coming weeks....
HOLY COW!!!
I just looked at the list, and guess what's on it! The point of
the previous blog!!! Sometimes I do things like that, that are intended to make
my life easier, but I don't pay attention or forget, and then my good
intentions go out the window. Not this time, kids. Not this time.
Okay, so. On to the point of the previous
Thanksgiving blog, which again, you can find here. I really recommend that you read at least
the first two paragraphs.
-----
I'm very fortunate in that I have a very great group of friends
and a fantastic family that has been super-supportive of me and my life
decisions. I'm also very fortunate because even though I live 3-ish states
away, they still keep in touch.
I'm not the best at calling people. Just ask my mom. (Sorry, Mom. I
think maybe I'm getting better??) Apparently, many of my friends also aren't
the best at calling, because they don't call me, either. (Yes, I just called
you all out.) But we're all busy and have stuff going on, and it's easy not to
call people. I used to use driving as a good excuse to call people, but I
rarely drive anymore. I mostly take the bus, and I refuse to be that girl
who keeps talking and talking and talking on a long bus ride.
Ugh. I'm straying from the point.
Even though I don't necessarily stay in the best of touch with my
friends, when I'm home in ND, I try to make a point of seeing as many people as
possible. This is not always easy. For example, many of my friends live 5-6
hours from Gwinner. Some (okay, most) have significant others, jobs, etc. that
don't allot much time to Gwinner while I'm there. But we try. And it's great.
And I'm straying again.
I'm going to stop beating around the bush and get to the point. The
point is this: If I spend too long within the boundaries of Gwinner, I start to
go crazy. I get super crabby and really mean and get a really, really awful
attitude. And I know that people notice. And I do apologize, but being there
for too long makes me nutso. I know that it's the place that I grew
up, and I know that everyone there is super supportive, but it's really hard
for me to spend extended periods of time there. I love having a place to call
home, and I'm more than happy to take short visits. And I love my family and I
love visiting my friends who are around. But I just. get. miserable. And I feel
bad, but it's true.
After my grandma died in the summer of 2008, I thought a lot about
the small-town atmosphere. I thought to myself, "How could I ever live
anywhere but a small town?" Everyone was more than willing to help with
anything that anyone could possibly think of. It was so refreshing to see
people come together and everyone knew and everyone cared. It was touching.
What I've learned from living in a bigger place, though, is that
the same thing happens here, it's just with a smaller group of people. The
people who know you and care about you are the ones who help and do what needs
to be done. Sure, the entire city of Boulder isn't going to come together for
me when my dog dies (I don't actually have a dog), but my closest friends and
maybe even people one or two branches out from that circle would be willing to
do whatever is needed. The city atmosphere just helps me to be more anonymous,
which I totally appreciate.
This past summer, I spent my fourth summer in Medora. You can read
about it here. Basically what it says is that I was
miserable all summer. And I attributed a lot of my misery to crazy tourists. I
still won't deny that. But now that there's more distance from the experience,
I also attribute it to Medora's size and the traits that follow from it being a
small town. Not the people, just the situation.
Here's what I'm trying to say. I appreciate the small-town life
and am glad that I grew up in it and have experienced it. I love visiting it. There
are some aspects of it that I seriously miss (see the blog about booze cruising
to come soon). I'm really, really proud of a lot of things that my home state
does. I brag about ND all the time. I'm glad to have a place to call home. I'm
just mostly uncomfortable there. And I'm sorry for that.
But most of all, I'm sorry that when I'm there I get awful. Feel
free to call me out. It's a serious problem. I can take it... Probably.
I've been going crazy since returning to ND almost 10 years ago. (And I've been crabby a significant portion of that time.) Nevertheless, I'm leaving in 17 months. There's my silver lining. ~mkd
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