Disappointment

Last fall, when CU was auditioning for chorus members for "La Traviata," I chose not to audition.  My name was on the audition list, I had a piece prepared to sing, and I had no doubt in my mind that I would be in the show.

Then I changed my mind.  At that point in my life, I had never once seen a live opera, and really wanted to see one before performing in one.  I crossed my name off the audition list, and never thought anything of it.

In the meantime, many of my newly-made friends auditioned and received chorus member parts.  Rehearsals were Mondays and Thursdays, and many of them would go out to eat in Boulder those nights, between school and rehearsal.  I took advantage of the invitation to go and went out with them, although I think I only actually ate with them once.  The rest of the time, I just enjoyed the company. It was a good time, and a good way for me to meet people, and it got me into the CU opera scene without being in the opera.  I didn't envy their weekly rehearsals or having to experience what is pleasantly termed "hell week."

What I did enjoy, though, was seeing my first ever opera.  I saw it on opening night with Jettie and Austin (read about Jettie's trip here and here), and adored every minute of it.  A lot of my enjoyment came from actually knowing the people on stage, but it really was an amazing show.  Having hung out with all of the opera kids allowed me to go to the cast party, and I met a lot of other people, and I never regretted not being in the opera chorus.  Not even for one minute.

Until this week.

Auditions were held for the two spring operas, "Don Giovanni," by Mozart and "Our Town," composed by Ned Rorem last Thursday. They ran auditions for the chorus of Don G. and principals and chorus of Our Town at the same time, and auditionees (?) just had to indicate for which roles they were auditioning.  I didn't prepare an aria from the show and didn't put any more effort into it than I have for any other audition since I've come to Boulder. 

I auditioned for all three possible roles.  To be honest, I simply assumed that I would get into at least the Don G. or Our Town chorus, although I knew I wouldn't obtain a lead in OT.  What I didn't know was that the chorus parts for both shows are relatively small.

I can say that I was very disappointed to see the cast list for Don G. without my name on it.  That was on Wednesday, and the list for OT was to come out on Thursday.  When that was posted and my name was also not on the list, I cried.  Literally.  Kenny tried to comfort me in many ways (mostly unsuccessfully), but here's what I've learned (in the short-term) from this experience.

• I can't rely only on my voice for forever.  I also need to rely on preparation and presentation. 
• I need to be prepared for competition.  And lots of it.  There are approximately 87 million sopranos (I made that up) in the world today, all vying for a small number of roles. I can't just expect to get one.  That's foolish.  And dumb.  And foolish.
• In that vein, I need to get used to this feeling of not getting roles.  It's going to happen a million times in my life.  It's part of what I've gotten myself into.
• Despite all of those things, I need to have confidence (you'll see a blog on that topic very soon).

In short, my plans for this semester have changed drastically, knowing that I won't be involved in any shows, which are more time-consuming than you can possibly imagine.  I can only hope that I will take what I've learned from this disappointment into the future...

But hopefully it doesn't always happen this way...