My musical autobiography

Ugh... So I really, really, really want to write a real blog about Thomas Hampson's concert and master class, but I'm getting sick.  Again.  So I'm going to go to bed instead.

In the meantime, here is "My Musical Autobiography."  I had to write it for a class, and I think it's a story worth sharing.  It made me really analyze my musical life.  At the end are my teacher's comments...

P.S.  It's really long.

Enjoy!!
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Although I began singing at a young age, music has only really been a large part of my life for the last four years or so. When I was four years old, my best friend’s mother began teaching me how to sing. She lived three houses down, so it was convenient, and I was a natural. I practiced every day with my sister and Dolly’s daughter, and before long, Dolly had a group of us young singers performing at bridal showers all around town, That’s where it all began.

To understand more about my musical experiences in elementary and high school, one must know that I come from a town with a population of around 700. There wasn’t much musical competition, and standards for music were low. Throughout elementary school, I was the student chosen to sing solos, perform lead roles in musical theatre, be in high school band in fifth grade, and sing in the high school choir in seventh grade. My music teacher gave me opportunities not given to most students my age. Following my eighth grade year, though, he left, and my high school was stuck floundering for a music teacher. From the time I entered my freshman year of high school to when I graduated, the program suffered terribly. We went one whole year without a high school music program. During that time, my musicianship suffered. I had no musical leader, and without guidance, I stopped improving, although I did my best to stay active in the music program.

Following my sophomore year, the elementary music teacher recommended me for a trip to Europe with the Northern Ambassadors of Music choir, a group of high school students from North Dakota and Eastern Montana who would travel to seven countries in fourteen days. I was ecstatic to be given the opportunity to go, and had a marvelous time there, but didn’t see myself having a career in music. For me, it was just a pastime.

Upon being accepted at Jamestown College, I quickly chose psychology as my major field of study. However, I planned to be active in the music program and auditioned for the Jamestown College Concert Choir, which was well-known in the state for its choral program. I was let in, one of only a handful of freshman women allowed to be part of the choir. The choir infused me with energy and refreshed my passion for music. I had never been part of a group of superior musicians, and to be given the opportunity to sing with others who had talent was a new experience that made me love to make music even more. I threw myself into musical theatre productions, women’s choir, pep band, and orchestra. In fact, I was so involved in the music program that relatives assumed that I was a music major and were often shocked when I explained to them that I was only performing for fun and that my plans were to go on to graduate school in psychology.

Following my sophomore year, the choir traveled to Italy for two weeks, performing in amazing spaces like St. Mark’s Basilica in Venice, the Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi, and St. Paul’s in Rome. There is a surreal feeling that comes from singing in places that are older than the country that we live in, from singing music that has been sung there for hundreds of years. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

In my junior year, the college hired a new band instructor, and with him came his wife, Leanne Villareal, who was added as an adjunct faculty to give voice lessons to non-music majors. I jumped at the chance to take private lessons. Leanne helped me to find this voice inside of me that I didn’t even know that I had. My range soon increased into “the stratospheres,” as she would say. Leanne encouraged me to consider pursuing a career in music, but I wasn’t so sure. Her prodding caused me to have an identity crisis, and I suddenly wasn’t sure if I wanted to pursue a life as a psychologist. Following a conversation with my psychology mentor, I decided to switch my major to music. After talking to music faculty, however, I learned that switching at the point where I was in my education wouldn’t be smart, and they encouraged me to finish out psychology, but to continue taking voice lessons.

The decision of whether or not to study music was filled with doubts and questions. After all, I would already have a four-year degree going into music school. What a waste of four years! I would already be in debt, and most likely would have to take out lots of loans to cover more schooling. Even if I excelled at music, there was a huge chance that I wouldn’t be hired to perform following graduation. That’s when God stepped in.

In the spring of my senior year, Patrick Mason traveled to North Dakota to perform a concert at Jamestown College. The following day I was one of those who was fortunate enough to have a voice lesson with him. The lesson itself doesn’t stand out in my mind, but Professor Mason’s reaction to my singing does. At one point he asked me, “Will you be coming to CU – Boulder to do your graduate studies?” I laughed and said, “I’m a psychology major, so probably not.” His reaction was surprise, and Leanne just shook her head in agreement. Later that day, I ran into one of the music faculty, who took me aside and said something along the lines of, “Pat was really impressed with you today. He said that you have one of the most amazing voices he has heard in a long time.”

I was shocked. I am a talented singer, I always have been, but I did not expect to hear that from someone who has only heard me sing once. I left the music building in tears. I felt a huge sense of relief wash over me. I wasn’t ever really sure that it was a good idea to pursue music, even though I was talented. I always thought that maybe I was just good by North Dakota standards. What would happen if I went to school to study music? I’d never taken a music class, the competition at schools is fierce, and I was never really sure that I’d be able to keep up. Professor Mason’s statements boosted my confidence like nothing ever had before, and I realized that I had made the right decision to attend school for music following graduation.

By the time I had made my decision, the deadline to apply at all schools had passed. I had a year of freedom, and time to focus exclusively on the audition process. In the year’s time between when I graduated from Jamestown College and coming to Boulder, I worked two jobs, auditioned, and traveled a bit.

I came to Boulder on August 16th, and things didn’t go well to start off with. I was very seriously questioning my decision to come here. One of my loans hadn’t come through, and I couldn’t afford to be living here. I had heard some other people singing, and didn’t think that I was good enough in comparison. I was concerned about what would happen upon graduating with a degree in vocal performance. Nonetheless, I convinced myself to attend my studio placement audition, just to see, and then leave. I started packing my things.

The morning that I sang for the voice department, I was nervous. I had chosen to sing Schubert’s “Gretchen am Spinnrade,” and when I started to sing it, I wasn’t prepared for the reactions of those watching me. They began to sit up in their seats and look around at one another and nod. I could feel the energy in the room, and could tell from the expressions on people’s faces that they were impressed. The second I walked out the door, tears came to my eyes, and I called my mom and said, “Mom, I cannot leave. I am meant to be in Boulder.

Since I have arrived, I have had nothing but amazing support from my friends and family at home, and the faculty and students here. I do not go through a single day without questioning my decision to come here, because the music business is so difficult to really get into and make a steady income from, and I will have a lot of loans to pay off when I’m done with this schooling. My friends at home don’t understand my doubts. They call me brave, and many have commended me for really following my dreams, no matter how unconventional my manner of doing so. My parents told me not to expect them to come to too many performances because they dislike classical music and it's quite a drive, but I know that they are supporting me in other ways. Students here are always complimenting me, even though most of them are just as talented. Professor Mason recently informed me that a full-tuition scholarship will likely be included in my financial aid package next year, and he has been so encouraging about my future that it’s hard to know if he’s being serious. My month here has been amazing.

Despite all of that encouragement, I’m overly critical of myself. Too critical. But I use the criticism to improve. I appreciate suggestions and love hearing the opinions of my peers. I know that I still have a lot to learn, and want to absorb as much information as I can while I’m here. One of my favorite things to do is to watch and listen to my peers perform, because so much can be learned about repertoire, technique, and performing. I am always amazed at the level of talent of the people here, and I am thankful to be included in this group of excellent performers.
It’s been an adjustment, going from knowing nothing about music to trying to learn as much as I can in a short period of time. I oftentimes feel behind in my musical knowledge compared to my younger classmates, but I’m a good student and music is something that I’m passionate about, so it’s easy for me to put in the necessary effort. I find myself building chords in my head before I go to bed at night and analyzing intervals in music I hear on the radio, so I guess I am learning. Hope fully what I’m learning will help me to be successful in my career.

I’m taking this education one step at a time, with small goals along the way. I hope to be accepted into summer programs both here and abroad. Eventually, I hope to be accepted into a young artist program, like that at the San Francisco Opera, and then to be famous. Isn’t that what we all hope for?
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And Professor Grape's comments:

"Raissa –

Thank you for sharing your story. There really is very little that is wasted in life. Your four years and your psychology degree may at some point come back to help you in ways you never imagined. Life is often like that. And if your experience now leads you to a brilliant singing career, that is great – and if it leads you somewhere else, that will be okay too. Enjoy the time you are here and the experiences you have here. Being at a university offers you so many fulfulling things, both as a performer and as an audience member. It sounds like you are off to a good start, and that it is no accident that you are here. I look forward to hearing you sing sometime in the near future."